This year our twins are turning 4 and although they've already had a year of preschool playgroup under their belts the school year will look slightly different for them this coming fall as they go twice a week and I will not be staying to play with them. Like many sets of dizygotic twins, we have one who is very eager to go to school and ready for socializing, another who is nervous about being at school without mom and not so keen on all the people there. It will be an adventure no doubt watching it all unfold the first few weeks as they adjust.
The real question is how will I adjust? I feel very grateful to have been given the gift of time with my kids during their young years. I know that it is a gift that so many would love to have and I do not take it lightly. Now that we move into a time where I will be without them for a few hours a couple of days a week I am feeling a little panicky. As in, what am I doing with my life?! There is so much meaning in my time at home with my children. So many things to do in one day, laundry, projects, crafts, learning around every corner, growing up. All of these things will still need to happen of course but they will look very different with my kids off to school for a large chunk of the day for their lessons. rearranging my routine and finding a new groove is the name of the game this year. Maybe part of it is that I'm turing thirty this year. Oh boy, is this an early mid-life crisis?!
Prior to having my children I worked at a bookstore during college and then moved on to working in the business office of a retirement facility while teaching ESL during the harvest months here in Michigan. I've often wondered if I would ever go back to doing that kind of work. I am certified after all, to teach ESL but is that where my giftings are best suited? My mind whirls and spins about all kinds of scenarios of life working with children or choosing to stay at home primarily and do volunteer work on the side. If life with Epilepsy, Infertility, twins, brain surgeries and stroke recovery has taught me anything it's this; slow down and trust today to God, the details will come together as they come.
So for now I will remind myself to stop and sit a while with God. Take in a coffee shop and a book as my littles learn at their preschool. Go to a Bible study at a church I've never been to because it's close to their school. Meet new people and let God lead the conversations.
Maybe these things will eventually lead to a volunteer position somewhere, maybe a job, or maybe great friendships along the way. Perhaps none of those things and that's alright too. We shall see.
Breathe deep mama, you and your littles are in the hands of a mighty God who can handle the details of life. Let go and live.
Hei-Hei! ("bye-bye" Finnish style) ;>
PS. if you've been looking for updates on Friday and haven't seen them, you're not alone. :D This chick went on an unintentional (but refreshing) blogger vacation after the "Friday Baby!" post and didn't ever get a post up on a Friday after that lol. Oh well. Cheers to the new school year and new posts.
